


one reason

by ElStark



Series: Sterek Tumblr Ficlets [16]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, I promise, Insecure Derek, M/M, Protective Derek, Protective Stiles, Suicidal Thoughts, Under Spell induced suicide attempt, but a really happy ending, no one dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 19:44:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10225712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElStark/pseuds/ElStark
Summary: The genie was clear. Everyone that it had come in physical contact with was going to relieve their worst nightmare and act accordingly.Whether that results in their death, the genie grinned, won’t be my fault. Well, not directly. Scott had howled enraged and gone after him with the others, but Derek had frantically turned to look for Stiles, his heart starting to beat madly against his ribcage and when he couldn’t find him anywhere he looked at Scott running after the genie and ran in the opposite direction.





	

Derek will never forget the way he’s feeling right now, as he runs as fast as he’s ever run, desperately chasing Stiles’ scent and the sound of his heartbeat.

Derek’s own heart is beating faster than the physical exertion really requires, he can hear his own breath coming out in uneven puffs and he’s pretty sure he’s shaking, but he can’t stop to check. He needs to find him, before it’s too late. Before Derek loses everything he’s ever cared about again.

The genie was clear. Everyone that it had come in physical contact with was going to relieve their worst nightmare and act accordingly.

 _Whether that results in their death_ , the genie grinned, _won’t be my fault. Well, not directly_. Scott had howled enraged and gone after him with the others, but Derek had frantically turned to look for Stiles, his heart starting to beat madly against his ribcage and when he couldn’t find him anywhere he looked at Scott running after the genie and ran in the opposite direction.

Stiles touched it when he tackled it away from hitting Derek with one of its spells.

It’s Derek’s fault.

It’s Derek’s fault if Stiles is relieving whatever nightmare he’s reliving. His mother’s death? The Nogitsune?

And it’ll be Derek’s fault if Stiles- if he- no.

He’ll make it in time. And to prove himself this point, he turns into his wolf to run faster.

-

[ **Stiles** ]

It’s a beautiful night. The air smells fresh and clean, in that way that it always does late at night –or early in the morning. There’s a streetlamp near the bridge he’s standing on, but it’s facing towards the road, so the water he’s looking down at is cast in shadow and looks darker than he’s ever remembered water looking, there’re no glimmers of light reflecting on its rippling surface. Just empty blackness, it’s kind of beautiful, he thinks. It reflects the way he’s feeling inside, right now.

He’s not sure why he’s fallen in this dark pit in his mind, again and so fast.

He’s been doing good, he really was.

But now. Now, all he can see is Derek being thrown against things over and over again, Kira being hit on the head, Scott whimpering as he drives the katana through his stomach and _twists_.

Allison’s body crumpling on the ground.

And he _can’t_. It’s _too_ much.

He’s tried to live over the guilt of being the cause of his mom’s death. It doesn’t matter how many people tell him she’d been sick when she’d said so, those words ring true to Stiles, and there isn’t anything he can do about it, just hunch his shoulders, drawing more into himself, and sway a little more over the edge.

He has hurt everyone he’s ever cared about. First his mum, then his dad with everything that he had to deal because of Stiles’ stupidity. And because of the Nogitsune, his friends too.

He really doesn’t get why he’s still alive.

Why is _he_ alive while his mum and Allison are gone? God knows, if it were up to him, he’d trade places any time.

He knows what he’s supposed to do when he gets like this. He’s supposed to think of all the things that are worth not jumping for.

But it’s so hard, it’s so goddamn _hard_.

If he thinks of someone he loves mourning him after he’s gone, all he can think about is how he hurt them and how they’d be better off without him in the long-run.

There’s a tinny voice screaming from the back of his mind that he’s wrong, he’s so wrong. But Stiles feels empty and the black, bottomless water seems so enthralling right now, like it’s the answer to his every problem.

He sways towards the edge again. A whisper of wind and he’d be already falling down.

 _Stiles_.

But there’s that voice now, growing insistent and that seems to be stuck on repeating his name over and over again.

“Stiles!” the voice says again, “Stiles, _please_.” It sounds so desperate, so sad. “Stiles, listen to me, please.”

It’s the way the voice breaks at the end that makes him blink and turn away from the hopeless pit that his mind has turned into.

And Derek is there. And he has a hand outstretched towards him, palm up.

Stiles frowns at it.

“Please, Stiles. Come down.” Derek says, and he looks so scared.

Stiles has never seen him so scared. “I hurt you,” he tells him, in case he forgot. “You should want me down there.” he nods towards the water below.

Derek reels back like Stiles has just suggested for Derek to jump with him. And then his expression shifts to determined and takes several steps closer to Stiles’ bridge, his hand outstretched the whole time.

Stiles looks at the hand again and then back to Derek’s face. He shakes his head. “I’m not gonna take your hand and come down to you. I know I have to be down there, that’s my place, it’s been for some time now.”

He believes every word he says, and yet. Derek’s reactions make him pause. The desperate and utterly scared look in his eyes is back and it hurts somewhere deep in Stiles to know he’s the cause of that.

Stiles is angry now, because this was supposed to be _easy_ , but Derek’s ruining everything. “Come on,” he spits, “give me one reason not to jump. And don’t say ‘for the people who love me’ cause I hurt them all, and if I go I won’t be able to hurt them anymore, they’ll be fine without me.” He knows he sounds a bit frantic towards the end, but he wants Derek to understand, to let him go.

Derek is silent for a long time, looking back at Stiles just as insistently, never the one to back down when Stiles is involved. Something inside of him tugs at the thought.

“Okay.” Derek says, and drops the hand he had outstretched. For a moment Stiles thinks he has finally given up, but then Derek is climbing on the edge on the bridge too, and then he’s standing beside Stiles, and looking at him with the same unwavering look. “You jump, I jump too-”

“No!”

“-cuz if you jump, I lose everything again. And I _can’t._ I’m not strong enough.”

Derek’s eyes are so earnest as he says it that, finally, Stiles feels his resolution break as he breaks down himself.

“Derek, you _can’t._ I have to, but y-you ca-”

“Stiles,” Derek takes his hand. “Do you trust me?”

Stiles shivers through his sobs, looking at Derek wide-eyed. He nods.

The pinched looks loosens at Stiles’ nod, and Stiles hand is itching to touch Derek’s face now.

“Trust me now, when I tell you that if you come down with me, everything will be okay in a while.”

Stiles looks down at Derek’s hand gripping his. Hanging on for dear life, almost. “I’m so tired, Derek.”

“I know.” Derek takes his other hand too, and waits for Stiles to meet his eyes again. “I’m tired too, but we can lean on each other, I’m here for you just-” he swallows, gripping at Stiles’ hands harder, “please, don’t leave me.” He finishes in a whisper.

Like he’s not sure if he’s allowed to say it. Like he fears for Stiles to tell him he has no right, and that he’ll be jumping anyway.

But Stiles can’t. Not when Derek is there, and looks so, so scared and hurt. He knows he’ll be hurting him more, and he _can’t_ do that.

“I trust you,” he whispers back.

And when Derek looks at him and asks “yeah?” with a hopeful look.

Stiles just nods.

Derek gets them both down the edge and holds Stiles for a long time, giving no signs that he’s going to let go of him any time soon.

Stiles doesn’t mind. He holds on just as tight, his heart slamming against his chest in tandem with Derek’s, and his head reduced to a jumble of half-formed thoughts.

And when it happens, it’s like something black and heavy has been lifted from his entire being, pulled out of him, leaving him dizzy and disoriented, “Derek?” he asks, feeling small and scared.

Derek seems to feel the change, too, because he leans back just so that he can look at Stiles’ face.

“I’m sorry,” Stiles blurts out, suddenly. “I didn’t mean to – I didn’t want to, I just– I d-don’t know what happened–” he’s shaking, badly, now.

Derek makes shushing noises, kisses him on the forehead, and draws him back in his arms, “it’s okay now, you’re alright.”

“What happened?”

Derek tells him about the genie, “Scott must’ve killed it.”

Stiles makes an angry noise. He’s so fed up with supernatural shitheads that want to make their lives a living hell.

They pass a long stretch of time in silence, Derek’s arms still, firmly wrapped around him, before Stiles realises something. “Derek!”

Derek hums questioningly.

“Derek, are you naked?”

Derek hums again, “wolfed out to run faster,” he explains, “had to come and get you before it was too late.”

Stiles buries his face in the crook of Derek’s neck. “Thank you,”

“Always gonna come for you.”

Stiles smiles, feeling warm and safe in a way that, just minutes ago, he thought was impossible to feel again.

“Just-” Derek starts, tightening his arms around him.

Stiles closes his eyes, holds on as tightly, and waits.

“Don’t leave,” Derek’s voice is barely a whisper, “I know, I haven’t been the best boyfriend, these first days –I haven’t showed you how much- what you mean to me, but I’ll try. Just, don’t leave, okay?”

Of course, Derek would go there. Stiles draws back, and waits for him to meet his gaze. “I won’t leave, if you won’t.”

“I’ll never leave,” Derek tells him just as firmly, “I could never.”

“Well, I could never, either,” Stiles scratches his thumb through the stubble on Derek’s chin. “I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

Stiles feels something in him break and flutter at the smile that Derek gives him, “I’m okay with that,” he says, still smiling in that soft way, “you’re stuck with me, too.”

Stiles grins, “lucky us, then.”

Derek kisses him on the forehead, “I certainly am,” he mumbles, his lips brushing against it.

Stiles cups his face in his hands, “I am, too, to have you, okay?”

Derek looks at him without saying anything for a while, and the nods, a small smile on his lips.

“Especially now,” Stiles says, grinning cheekily, “I’m definitely the luckiest guy in the universe, ‘cause I have you in all your naked glory pressed against me,” he finishes, wiggling his eyebrows.

Derek rolls his eyes so hard his head goes back a little, but he’s smiling, too, so Stiles takes it as a win.

He stands up, offering his hands for Derek.

Derek takes it, and looking at Stiles with a raised eyebrow, says, “next time I get naked, I’d like for us to be in a bedroom, though.”

Stiles feels his neck and cheeks heat.

Derek laughs, the bastard. Stiles loves him so very much. “You’re an asshole,” he informs him.

“You too,” Derek rebuts, and takes his hand. “Help me find my clothes?”

Stiles sighs, theatrically, trying to look extremely put out, “fiiiine, if I have to.”

Derek pinches his side, and he yelps, jumping away from him and starting to run, Derek running after him.

They’ll find Derek’s clothes scattered along the road he ran a few moments before, with panic in his heart and half formed prayers on his lips. Stiles will help him get his soft t-shirt on; Derek will find him smiling softly up at him once he’ll have poked his head through, and he’ll lean down to kiss him, he knows they’re both keener on accepting that they deserve a second chance and love, and each other. He’ll say it one morning, as soon as he wakes up to Stiles tracing his fingers along Derek’s jaw and chin, his cheekbones and his eyebrows, and his nose as if he were committing every detail to memory. Stiles will smile, pressing a finger on Derek’s lips, and will draw in, replacing it with his plush lips, “I love you, too,” he’ll mumble against them. And Derek. Well, Derek will start telling him every day.

But for now, the sound of their wild laughter carries out in the night air, as hope blooms in their chest for a newer and better start.

**Author's Note:**

> comments are love <3
> 
> [Tumblr](http://atticuos.tumblr.com/)


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